talking to myself......

For all the tasks I should be doing today, I contemplate the fact that I am not quite in the mood to accomplish these feats. The month of May took a lot of time away from me.... and by the looks of my messy house covered with dust, I shudder to think that I can find the energy it takes to give it a good clean sweep. But I will. It's a mind over matter obstacle, no doubt.... and it's all I will contemplate until I actually get it done. Finding the door I need to open, for I already have the key safely tucked into my hand, I will muster the motivation needed for such a request. This includes many long talks to myself, which I don't find crazy in the least. I do it all the time.

So what holds me back? Perhaps it is a yearning to have a few real days off (in a row) so that I could go away and forget about the list of chores that keeps nagging in the back of my mind. It's not like my house is falling apart by the seams, or that the world (or my business) will fall apart if I'm not around. I am the one holding me back, and I darn well know it. In my spare (and not so spare) time, I daydream about vacationing at the beach. Listening to the waves slap against the shore, laughing at the seagulls as they fight over a morsel of food left on the grains of sand, and soaking in the rays of the bright sun. This is my flight away from the usual dredges of everyday life so that I can come back and look at my "now" life with refreshed abundance.

If ever I was in need of time away, it would be now.... but then I say that every year in May. Working for a living has it's share of good ethics, but a vacation allows your mind and spirit to put life aside long enough to kick off your shoes and let down your hair. Carefree moments of waking up at any time you deem, to eat or not to eat, and to play amongst the day like a person of independent wealth, are the moments I work for all year long. But then, doesn't everybody? Most of mine are imaginary ones played through my mind in the few stolen moments of quiet..... or the ones I make up when I plead "docters appointment" and really go see "Dr. Shopping".


How unfair it seems to be able to only do this real vacation dance one week a year (that's all I get.... honestly!) I am a firm believer that we should have four weeks off a year.... one for each season. In that way, we are able to imbue the fruits of life while savoring our sanity. After all, we are no fun as people when we are cranky, overworked and overtired. A gentle time out works as well for an adult as it does for a child. It's a re-grouping time worthy of indulgence.

But here I will sit with a few moments of unmonitored daydreaming luxury, plotting my escape, still knowing full well the list in my mind will demand more attention... and probably get it. This weekend will mark the first two days off I will have in a row since Easter that I will not have to cater food to some uncharted part of town. I will not bother to write this honey-do list from my head to paper, because that will imply an actuality of impending intent. Instead, I will keep the list in the mental filing room..... and get to it IF I want or can get to it. The dust is not going anywhere, that's for sure, and the gardens are all planted.... except for a few pulled flowers that the squirrels decided to risk the cayenne pepper for. Instead, I have decided to give up my time for a promise I made to my neighbor last year to stain her deck. I won't hear the slapping waves of the ocean, nor hear the seagulls caw in mid air... but I will get to enjoy the sunshine, and perhaps put some color back into my pale skin. A small price to pay to a neighbor who has been wonderful to me.... and a promise I will keep to her husband I made 10 years ago when he died. I will be neighborly to her needs, and put my own aside for a little while longer.

The beach will always be there, vacation is somewhat close on the horizon anyway, and I'm going to feel better doing something nice for someone else. That's enough vacation for me this weekend. Maybe my house can wait a little longer.... it's survived this May with minimal attention so what's another week, right? And now that I've convinced myself of the right thing to do first, I'd better pick up that dust rag and make a swing around the house. Like I said earlier, it's not going anywhere.... but it really needs to.

See talking to yourself really works ..... I'm feeling energized already! What a difference a vacation makes!