the magic words and etiquette..........

There was a time when the content of your character was based on the type of manners you displayed. The way you interacted with your fellow man allowed one to see that you had good breeding because you had interjected the magic words in your correspondence.... verbal and written. It was the little whispers from your mother to your ear as a child each time someone said or did something nice for you. It was the "please" and "thank you" factor. Somewhere along the line, we seldom hear the words as we once did., and it has become a lost art along with the R.S.V.P.

It's kind of sad really, because it is a loss of civility that blemishes our society as an intelligent species. When did it become fashionable for people to expect and dismiss bad behavior because we do not stand up to the people who break the rules of good behavior? You see it everyday on the freeway by the people who cut you off because wherever they need to be is much more important than where you need to be. You see it at the grocery store by the people who park their cart in the middle of the aisle, while they contemplate which can of beans to buy. Even the polite "excuse me" goes unnoticed, because their bean choice has a higher priority. You see it at entrances to buildings when people rush through an open door without holding it for the next person.... which makes me think they are the ones that cut you off on the freeway earlier.

Maybe we have just forgotten the rules of engagement when it comes to being polite and wearing our manners in all situations. They really are more simple than they are given credit for, and if practiced, really make it easier for a society to get along.

So let's see if we can clarify all this for those who forgot:

1) "Please" should be used in all situations where you are bidding to have someone do something for you; as in: "Would you 'please' take out the garbage?" and "Pass the salt 'please'" .
In our family, if you did not add the word "please" to your sentence when asking for the salt at the table, your request went unheeded. Everyone looked at you until the magic word was said; which came swiftly after a noticed silence. This applied to food and drink as well, and since everything was served family-style at the diningroom table, your reach depended on the cooperation of others. You caught on very quickly, or you missed out... it was that simple.
It also works real well in the first person; as in: "May I have some more, 'please'?"

2) "Thank you" quickly follows "please" in all situations. Since you are verbally reciprocating the errand done for you, you are giving vindication to the person helping you. It is also very important that "thank you" is a card you write to relatives when they send you money in your birthday or graduation cards.
In our family, if you did not thank someone for their help or efforts, it might be a long time coming before they decided to help you again. It was almost a slap in the face to not say "thank you", because it showed a lack of appreciation.

3) "Excuse me" is used in all instances where you need to get by someone blocking your way. The now customary "behind ya" or "geez, move outta the way, will ya?" is a social faux pas. Yes, they are effective, but they show bad manners; plain and simple.
In our family, "excuse me" was also used in instances where you couldn't hear someone when they spoke. It was more like, "Excuse me?" followed by: "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you, would you 'please' repeat that?" Barked orders of: "Hey, speak up, I can't hear you!" was considered very rude, and could cost you a trip to the another room to be spoken to, if you uttered them.

4) "You're welcome" follows all "thank yous".... again, the reciprocating of a deed done; an acknowledgement to the person you help that tells them you are happy to be there for them.

These are just the basic ones as there are many more depending on the situation you are in:

~ When driving, use the signal indicators. My psychic abilities might be on hiatus at the moment you decide to cut me off, so I'd appreciate knowing that you are crossing four lanes of traffic to make it over the the Starbucks for your latte' seconds before the turn. If I do let you in, please acknowledge with a wave that you appreciated my gesture. In other words, be appreciative of other people when they do good deeds for you just for the heck of it.

~When shopping at a grocery store, be aware that there are other shoppers in great need of groceries as well. Parking your cart in the middle of the aisle when you search for that bean coupon might earn you a tap on the shoulder.... or if it is me, an "excuse me". It is nothing to take offense at, but your are impeding traffic, and you need to pull it over....."thank you".

~When entering a building, look behind you to make sure you are not slamming the door in somebodys face. It takes seconds out of your life to hold it for someone else, and is the nice thing to do, no matter what. You'd be amazed how you can bring a nice "thank you" from them (followed by "you're welcome" from you), and perhaps a smile. It doesn't always work, but when it does, you can't help but smile back.

~When you receive an invitation in the mail for any reason, and it asks for an R.S.V.P., please do as it asks: "respond, if you please". People throwing parties need to order refreshments of some sort, and having the count off can lead to great embarrassment for the host as well as the person catering the event. You cannot imagine how many people do not respond, even if an invitation is accompanied by a self-addressed stamp, and that's just plain rude. (Believe me, I hear this all the time.)

~If you are going to be late to miss an appointment with a friend, or reservation at a restaurant, pull an E.T. and "phone home". Call them up and let them know you are running late or in traffic. Have a heart, their time is precious too.

~Don't assume that people are smarter or dumber than you. If you treat them like people you just might get the respect you deserve for being more polite.

These are all pretty simple and easy to follow. It really takes less effort than being rude, and the rewards are far better than they get credit for. The most important element in following the basic golden rules, is to practice it everyday, and then pass it on to our children. If we state that we are a kinder, gentler people, then the proof is in the actions, as well as the passing along of good virtues. It might quite possibly breed a stronger nation, that we are just maintaining for our children at the moment, because the teaching starts with us just as it did with our parents.

The magic words are indeed that: magic; and ettiquette should not be a lost art. Being civil and civilized should not be on the short list of common behavior, but rather the norm of decency..... after all, it's what seperates us from all the other animals. Us, the "intelligent" ones, remember?

Just my $1.00's worth.....

Oh, and thank you for reading.......