dr. teddy.......

What should be an intimidating time in every womans life, actually is not so bad for me. What am I talking about? Why, our annual exam, of course. The time of the year when we allow ourselves to be clothed into paper jerseys while strange hands perform health techniques to see if all our inner and outer parts are in place. What fun!

Actually, I am fortunate to have the nicest gynocologist in the world. He realizes the intimidation of this process and does everything he can to put me completely at ease... because, let's face it, nothing makes you more vulnerable than your legs raised up into stirrups while your butt is no more than 1/10th of an inch away from falling off the edge of the table. It is hard to act completely natural about this procedure, but you realize it is a necessary evil in your scope of things to do for the year. Besides, it might just save your life.

My Dr. Teddy holds a complete conversation with me the whole time, and barely looks away from my eyes as he speaks. He inquires about my life, my health, and my business, all the while giving me an exam. Heck, he even warms up the stethoscope first before checking my lungs. Speaking of which, he does know that I smoke, and I had a nice conversation with him about that this time. Once, years ago, he wrote a prescription for Zyban. I never filled it, because I guess I wasn't ready at the time... I know, bad, bad me. This time I saw his face light up when I told him I wanted to make a concerted effort to stop, and could we try again? Of course this made his day, as he has been trying for some time now to achieve this goal with me.

What surprised me was the medication he prescribed this time. (Yeah, I know, I should just go cold turkey, but even he didn't recommend that with me. ) He wrote out a prescription for Wellbutrin . I'm no expert, but I do remember the commercials on TV for this drug, and looked at him sort of perplexed. Isn't that an anti-depressant? Why yes it is... all the more reason to help you quit, and get over the cravings without taking someones head off in the process, because we all know what a craving will do when not fulfilled. He explained the process as one that you do not exactly quit at first. You need to let the medication get into your system for a week or two, then gradually cut down as your brain no longer craves the nicotine and noxious tars. Let's go for it, doc! I need to finally take this monster out, and am too weak to let my willpower speak for itself.

Of course we covered other subjects about my health as well. Now that I am well into my 40's and 50 is fast approaching, it was time to start talking about osteoporosis (sp?) . I told him I had no fears on that subject as I drink what amounts to a whole cow in milk a day. He kind of gave me a funny look and asked, "Really?" Yup, milk's always been my drink (besides tea), and I've never broken a bone in my life. I never acquired a taste for soda, and don't find it remotely appealing as a thirst-quencher. Good answer.... he liked that one.

We went over a myriad of other questions, and with a hand shake and "pleasure to see you again", I was back into street clothes and on my way out of the gynocologists office, and driving to my local Kaiser facility to have my prescription filled. While there, I decided to make another appointment have bloodwork done up. Since diabetes runs very high in my family (not to mention strokes, heart disease, and a few other deadly things), I wanted to put my mind at ease over the abuse I've thrown at it in the past few years. This doctor was informative and friendly as well. He thought it smart that I take the precaution, even if his nurse looked at me like I was crazy to do so. So for the second time, I hopped up on the scales for weigh-in, and wondered how I had gained five whole pounds in 30 minutes, when I hadn't even eaten yet. Then I remembered that I had purposely taken off my shoes at the gyno's office, where I forgot to do that at Kaiser. Yikes! My shoes weigh five pounds..... no wonder my feet and legs ache at the end of the day! Who needs a treadmill when you have these babies on, I thought to myself.

So now I sit and wait for two weeks for test results, and my brain to catch on to the fact that I don't need ciggarettes anymore. It won't be easy, and I'm sure I will still crave them long after I smoke the last one. I only hope my bitchiness doesn't show in this quest, but I'm not expecting complete miracles other than to quit altogether. I know my family will be happy, and my lungs as well.

As for Dr. Teddy.... well his parting words to me were, "Let's hope next year when you come in, you can tell me that you are smoke-free." I adore Dr. Teddy....he's been the best! And why do I call him Dr. Teddy? Because his last name is Bearman.