the enemy......

In every war, it is only a matter of showing the enemy who's tougher, while gaining real estate in the process. Fancier tactics are now used as technology has become sophisticated, and it is even possible to eradicate the enemy without showing up any more to do the manual fighting. Plans are layed, weapons are stocked, and soldiers are on the ready... it's merely a matter of timing to be sure the enemy is in range... then KAPOW, the war has begun.

To say that casualties will be kept at a minimum is not a guarantee one can promise... it can only be hoped that there will be few to no bodies to escort off the battlefield once the real fighting begins. It's not an easy quest, and most leaders have had their share of battle scars. It's a haunting vision, and not for the weak of stomach. It's a job nobody really wants, but someone must assume in order to further their way of life over the machinations of the enemy they are faced with.

Am I talking about the war in Iraq? No.... not at all. I am talking about squirrels... specifically the ones who have invaded my yard ever since Miss Kitty moved to Florida. Oh yeah, they are cute and fuzzy... and make the cutest moves and noises. The are also a nuisance. Through some squirrel tele-networking that they possess, word has gotten out that the maple trees in my yard are filled with condo areas waiting to be occupied by any available yard rodent in the area or from miles around. To say that they have moved in in droves is an understatement. I have been invaded! And why not? My yard is filled with tasty flowers for them to gnaw on, the birdbaths are all filled with clean water to drink, and housing is at a premium..... it's the perfect garden of eden.

With no hunter to keep them at bay, they jump from tree to tree laughing at my inability to do any more than scare them off temporarily. Oh sure, you think, squirrels can't laugh... but I'm here to attest that they have those big cheeks just for that reason. It's the pointing at me while they are laughing that is really beginning to test my patience, along with the fact that they have decided to dig up all my plantings. Everyday I encounter new invaded pots of flowers with fresh gnaw marks at the roots. I have planted over 100 new flowers in the yard that I must systematically re-plant when they dig them out. It's annoying, I tell you... and I have to declare war whether I want to or not. If they were paying some form of rent, I might be a little easier on the buggers, but this is my real estate that I've worked so hard to preserve. It's time to get tough with them.... I'm just not sure how.

I've been told that this is the mating season for squirrels right now... the reason why they are acting so "squirrelly" and rambunctious. Hmmm..... they always act squirrelly to me. Have you ever noticed one crossing the street. It's like they have a hard time making up their mind as to which direction they were headed in the first place. They start halfway over, stop, turn around, look around, hop a bit, stop, look around, hop some more, turn back and go 1/4 of the way, then stop and turn around again..... it's an endless decision for them. Perhaps that's why we do see a lot of the undecided ones as road kill. Chipmunks on the other hand are scurriers. Once the decision is made to cross the street, it's off they go. You rarely see a deceased chipmunk.... but always see the familiar squirrels as part of the pavement.

Now I'm not saying I want to run them over.... I detest killing of any sort. I am more likely to get butted from the back by an over-eager driver up my rear end for slowing down to let these animals get safely to the other side (and this equasion would include bunnies, possums and raccoons). I need to find a way for these pesky rodents to leave my plantings alone. It has been suggested that I should use cayenne pepper in the soil, or put out mothballs, but I'm not sure that is a workable solution. Besides, I hate the smell of mothballs.... and cayenne pepper seems cruel.

Does anybody have any suggestions that have worked effectively for them? I need a good game-plan that allows me to go on about my life ( in essence: not showing up for the war), while allowing my flowers to reach some sort of maturity. (I notice that they don't bother the bigger plants.) I'm not so good at this war thing, because I detest deceased bodies laying around, and do not have the stomach to chuck them off into squirrel heaven.... that's a job for hubby anyway.
I just want them to go about their life while leaving my new flowers alone. They are welcome to all the water they can drink, as well as all the birdseed that gets tossed to the ground from the birdfeeders.... but that's where my hospitality ends. Darned pesky yard rats!