Sunday, February 18, 2007


the inevitable change of life......
Back in my younger and more carefree days (which would be 213 years ago, according to my profile age.... that won't allow for changes), my Mother had "the talk" with me about the change of life that I would soon be experiencing. "It's all part of being a woman", she explained, "The natural process we go through." Not being any smarter than a squirrel, I listened intently, and watched as my Mother dodged most of the bullet on this subject by bringing me to a girl scout meeting that had a movie all about "it". Of course I was full of questions.... and not sure my Mother was prepared for the onslaught of my curiosity. She handled it well, I must admit, and told me to be patient, the change was coming.... it was inevitable just because I was a female. So I was never surprised, and actually rather proud that I became a "woman" at the age of 13..... still as dumb as a squirrel, but with a different set of instructions to go forth with. It was hard to put down the dolls and toys of my youth, but then the discovery of boys was a nice distraction.
Here I am 36 years later, and my Mom isn't around to walk me through the ending process of this "inevitable change". A new change, as it were. Well, lucky for me, technology has progressed a thousand-fold, and I have the internet to gather information, as well as friends, a wonderful comforting Aunt, and my gynocologist. Still doesn't make up for the absence of Mom, but it's nice to know I'm not all alone wading through the information. And is there EVER a plethora of it. I doubt my Mom would have been so well versed on the subject, and probably would have pointed me to the computer, as she did with the movie during my girl scout days.
It seems that there is 35 symptoms to look for. 35????? Holy moley.... there wasn't that many at the beginning of this journey..... and with my memory faltering by the second (one of the classic symptoms), I had to print out the page, along with the check list. At least I had one revelation.... I could at least excuse the memory lapses with normal behavior for this time in my life, and not early onset dementia....... as that runs pretty heavily in my family, too. The other 34 weren't so promising either, a little scary, but informative nonetheless. However, the more I read through the list (over and over and over.......), the other classic symptom of depression comes up...... flashing, in a warning red blare. I am not depressed, and actually have no reason to be; but reading the list makes me a little depressed, and a little forlorn for my youth. That just can't be helped, I guess.
For some reason, one cannot help but want to return to their youth.... it's a human emotion that can bring you back to happier memories if you've led a good life. And I admit, I've had a really good life, and many great memories to reflect back on. The images still run very clear, all the way back to my first ones when I was a wee lass. So it's nice and comforting to know the memory banks are still in working order..... but sad so many years have passed between, and you realize that life happens when you're busy making other plans. John Lennon said it so well, didn't he?
I am fortunate that the rides of my life were enough that I could handle, that being a survivor was more important than chucking the whole experience away. Perhaps it was because I did have good, strict parents who took their job very seriously, and I learned many valuable lessons. Not to say I didn't have a few of my own personal decisions that burned and taught.... but that's all life lessons, along with the instruction booklet you keep about your mental and physical self. Besides, who knows you better than yourself?
So as I pass into the senior moments of my life, not yet 50 and with new instructions within reach, I hope to keep up with my potential of being a survivor, and weathering those symptoms with a pound of grace and humor. Besides, what other choice do I have? Failure is not an option for me. Blame it on the OCD tendencies, blame it on menopause, blame it on the weather..... I didn't come this far to throw it all away. Surviving another change in my life is just a curveball and potential home run if hit just right. Now if I could just quit being such a sissy crybaby at sad news............

8 Comments:

Blogger awareness said...

OMG! I could have a whole blog on this topic alone!!!

Who the frig knew??? Menopause? What about the peri-menopause stuff? Where did that come from?

Up and down like a roller coaster are my crazy emotions......everytime I talk to my doctor, she just laughs and tells me to ride the wave.....it's around for a while.!!

God has a wicked sense of humour, I'd say......

On a positive note? The deeper into the whole "change" thing, the more apt I am to tell it like it is with gusto.

3:56 PM  
Blogger Skye said...

HA! Peri-Menopause, ha! forget Peri! HA! Here's a tip, if you forget what you came into that room for go back to the room you just came from. Ha, ha! Oh lordy you make me laugh. :)

10:59 PM  
Blogger X said...

Seriously, with the amount of horomonal problems I seem to have NOW, I can imagine how bad the big M will be for me. ::shudder::

12:32 AM  
Blogger Ellen said...

awareness~
Yeah, that peri-monopause stuff was explained to me by the gyno on my last visit. He said that just being a woman, we were are already predisposed to being PRE-menopausal from birth. PERI- menopausal was when we were close enough to actually go through it. Big difference?.... not much I'd say (in the scale of things). Oh well, at least we don't have that prostate problem, so God has evened the playing field a bit.

As far as the roller-coaster ride... I am far luckier than most people I know who have had all 35 (and more) symptoms. Apparently crying for no reason was not on the list, and I do suffer that one. I can't even watch Extreme Home Makeover without the kleenix close by.... or read some of your posts of the people you encounter daily. I am such a woos.

************

skye~
As yes, the "return to whence you came so you can remember what you forgot".... know the trick well, and have been doing it for years. I used to blame it on distraction... and kind of still do. If I could be left alone to deal with my "mental lists", I could accomplish the tasks I set myself up for without forgetting what I was doing. Either the phone rings, or I add to the list, or something shiny shows up.... the list is endless, isn't it?

************

K.~
Yeah, those darn hormones.... they can make you experience an Exorcist moment, even if you are still convincing yourself that all is really well. The hormones are screaming, and silencing them requires monumental control... which is out having a cup of coffee at your expense. Been there, done that, got the coffee mug.

10:18 AM  
Blogger awareness said...

I can't even talk about Extreme Makeover the next day at work with one of my colleagues!! She and I lose it all over again. even though Ty is so annoyingly loud the show just about does me in!!

I was told about the peri thing 5 years ago....my doctor suggested some kind of primrose oil stuff.....so I flipped her the bird...

No, I didn't.....I'm just kidding. She's about the same age as me, so we actually have a good laugh over some of the inane symptoms and bent out emotions we have experienced.

did you read my post today? I was all snotty reading a book to Max today...... :) and it's not even a full moon right now..... :) Good thing the kid is somewhat used to it.

8:51 PM  
Blogger Snaggle Tooth said...

But getting misty n knowing you respond due to a caring, not an apathetic attitude, is what makes us mature women great!

What I hate is when I get there from fictional TV movies... Some days I just get upset over everything-
n I agree with Awareness on the Creator's strange progression for us... ha-ha... Very amusing!

Good luck with your flashes... Whew!

2:13 AM  
Blogger Ellen said...

awareness~
Yeah, Ty can be annoyingly loud when he has that megaphone... but he sure is one delicious looking guy, so I can deal with it. I've actually followed his career from being the carpenter on Trading Spaces till now... and he was even in my town doing a house over for the both Trading Spaces and Home Makeover. Didn't get to meet him though.....

Since I work with two partners that are guys, they have no clue, and I keep most of it out of the workplace anyway. But then I'm pretty lucky, I don't have a lot of the symptoms yet... and the ones I do, I choke down. No way would they put up with it.

I tried to comment on your blog yesterday, but google gave me no end of trouble getting the comment posted. Somehow, they did not recognize my password. I'll be over later to see if I can rememdy the problem.

************

snaggle~
Yup, even the fictional stories have me reaching for the tissues as well, silly goose that I am. Thank goodness I can be in the confines of my own home where no one can see me or they'd take me for a blubbering fool.

No flashes yet... and I still don't count the hot days of summer when I'm out at the kitchen (with no air) and it registers over 100 degrees with the oven on at 450. I sweat away all my make-up, and wonder why I put it on in the first place. I'd take a snooze in the walk-in, if we had one... but just bare it out till I get to my delivery leave time, and turn the air on in the car to dry off before I arrive at my destination.

I refuse to take hormones, and hope to fare this thing with a minimal amount of trouble. I actually have a few friends who said they did..... maybe I still have enough good karma left to cover it.

6:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

thanks for this

At least I had one revelation.... I could at least excuse the memory lapses with normal behavior for this time in my life, and not early onset dementia...

:)

1:28 AM  

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