the inevitable change of life......

Back in my younger and more carefree days (which would be 213 years ago, according to my profile age.... that won't allow for changes), my Mother had "the talk" with me about the change of life that I would soon be experiencing. "It's all part of being a woman", she explained, "The natural process we go through." Not being any smarter than a squirrel, I listened intently, and watched as my Mother dodged most of the bullet on this subject by bringing me to a girl scout meeting that had a movie all about "it". Of course I was full of questions.... and not sure my Mother was prepared for the onslaught of my curiosity. She handled it well, I must admit, and told me to be patient, the change was coming.... it was inevitable just because I was a female. So I was never surprised, and actually rather proud that I became a "woman" at the age of 13..... still as dumb as a squirrel, but with a different set of instructions to go forth with. It was hard to put down the dolls and toys of my youth, but then the discovery of boys was a nice distraction.

Here I am 36 years later, and my Mom isn't around to walk me through the ending process of this "inevitable change". A new change, as it were. Well, lucky for me, technology has progressed a thousand-fold, and I have the internet to gather information, as well as friends, a wonderful comforting Aunt, and my gynocologist. Still doesn't make up for the absence of Mom, but it's nice to know I'm not all alone wading through the information. And is there EVER a plethora of it. I doubt my Mom would have been so well versed on the subject, and probably would have pointed me to the computer, as she did with the movie during my girl scout days.

It seems that there is 35 symptoms to look for. 35????? Holy moley.... there wasn't that many at the beginning of this journey..... and with my memory faltering by the second (one of the classic symptoms), I had to print out the page, along with the check list. At least I had one revelation.... I could at least excuse the memory lapses with normal behavior for this time in my life, and not early onset dementia....... as that runs pretty heavily in my family, too. The other 34 weren't so promising either, a little scary, but informative nonetheless. However, the more I read through the list (over and over and over.......), the other classic symptom of depression comes up...... flashing, in a warning red blare. I am not depressed, and actually have no reason to be; but reading the list makes me a little depressed, and a little forlorn for my youth. That just can't be helped, I guess.

For some reason, one cannot help but want to return to their youth.... it's a human emotion that can bring you back to happier memories if you've led a good life. And I admit, I've had a really good life, and many great memories to reflect back on. The images still run very clear, all the way back to my first ones when I was a wee lass. So it's nice and comforting to know the memory banks are still in working order..... but sad so many years have passed between, and you realize that life happens when you're busy making other plans. John Lennon said it so well, didn't he?

I am fortunate that the rides of my life were enough that I could handle, that being a survivor was more important than chucking the whole experience away. Perhaps it was because I did have good, strict parents who took their job very seriously, and I learned many valuable lessons. Not to say I didn't have a few of my own personal decisions that burned and taught.... but that's all life lessons, along with the instruction booklet you keep about your mental and physical self. Besides, who knows you better than yourself?

So as I pass into the senior moments of my life, not yet 50 and with new instructions within reach, I hope to keep up with my potential of being a survivor, and weathering those symptoms with a pound of grace and humor. Besides, what other choice do I have? Failure is not an option for me. Blame it on the OCD tendencies, blame it on menopause, blame it on the weather..... I didn't come this far to throw it all away. Surviving another change in my life is just a curveball and potential home run if hit just right. Now if I could just quit being such a sissy crybaby at sad news............