an angry letter from a friend......

Neatly tucked into the bedsheets this afternoon, I found a letter from an old friend. Imagine my surprise.......

Dear Ellen~

Ever since you were old enough to pronounce my name, we have been fast friends. Who was there in your deepest hours of despair? It was me.... holding the tissues as you sobbed your latest story of heartbreak or loss of hope. You ran to me freely, and partook of all that I could manage to nourish your soul...... and now, you dump me without a single explaination. What have I done to receive this treatment from you? I deserve a reason....... after all, I was your best friend. ~ Missing our good times together, Chocolate.

Well......... besides the obvious questions I had about Chocolate being able to hold a writing utensil, nevermind write a coherent note, I was taken aback by the confrontation. I don't go out of my way to hurt anyone, and usually avoid all situations that lead to confrontations in the first place. But this deserved a response..... in fact, it was my duty because I had been ignoring the call from refrigerator that seemed to whisper my name every time I walked past it. (Again, another quandry as to how the chocolate sirens could muster such powers.)

So, my response:

Dear Chocolate,

Although I have enjoyed our frequent and wonderful times together, I must admit that you have held me hostage. Throughout the thick and thin areas of my life, you have been the constant that I could always seek refuge in, but now it's time for me to stand on my own.... to find my way without your sweet delictable deliciousness to fall back on. Wihout you, I have gained a willingness to eat healthier, lose the acid reflux, and lose 30 poinds in the process. Why, my nice little size 5's are only a wink away..... and you can't imagine how good that makes me feel. Nothing tastes good as thin feels.

That all said, I do feel your pain. And just to be fair, we shall enjoy a last moment together..... just remember to pour us up a nice tall glass of milk....... I'm on my way.

There....... all settled. Now everybody's happy.