an angry letter from a friend......

Neatly tucked into the bedsheets this afternoon, I found a letter from an old friend. Imagine my surprise.......

Dear Ellen~

Ever since you were old enough to pronounce my name, we have been fast friends. Who was there in your deepest hours of despair? It was me.... holding the tissues as you sobbed your latest story of heartbreak or loss of hope. You ran to me freely, and partook of all that I could manage to nourish your soul...... and now, you dump me without a single explaination. What have I done to receive this treatment from you? I deserve a reason....... after all, I was your best friend. ~ Missing our good times together, Chocolate.

Well......... besides the obvious questions I had about Chocolate being able to hold a writing utensil, nevermind write a coherent note, I was taken aback by the confrontation. I don't go out of my way to hurt anyone, and usually avoid all situations that lead to confrontations in the first place. But this deserved a response..... in fact, it was my duty because I had been ignoring the call from refrigerator that seemed to whisper my name every time I walked past it. (Again, another quandry as to how the chocolate sirens could muster such powers.)

So, my response:

Dear Chocolate,

Although I have enjoyed our frequent and wonderful times together, I must admit that you have held me hostage. Throughout the thick and thin areas of my life, you have been the constant that I could always seek refuge in, but now it's time for me to stand on my own.... to find my way without your sweet delictable deliciousness to fall back on. Wihout you, I have gained a willingness to eat healthier, lose the acid reflux, and lose 30 poinds in the process. Why, my nice little size 5's are only a wink away..... and you can't imagine how good that makes me feel. Nothing tastes good as thin feels.

That all said, I do feel your pain. And just to be fair, we shall enjoy a last moment together..... just remember to pour us up a nice tall glass of milk....... I'm on my way.

There....... all settled. Now everybody's happy.

a beginners recipe........

So here He is.... at the beginning of life as we know it, and for some reason, the spice of life ends up being a canister of Jerks. No, not jerk seasoning.... just plain jerks. And the world is full of them, is it not? Just go out during rush hour traffic, and you can see an abundance of chest thumpers who think nothing of cutting you off on the highway from three lanes over (and no signal other than a middle finger)... or world leaders who practice nefarious deeds to their own populace.

As we ponder the the true calling of our religious beliefs, we cannot help but wonder what our real purpose on this colorful orb is. Were we meant to be the evolved ones, the ones with a higher calling, the ones with the bigger brains to contain knowledge and see that it works? Were we evolved as a species through natural selection, divine intervention, or just sheer luck? Who knows for certain.... but we're here, and our time has been recorded through the efforts of wordsmiths and theologans, thus creating the "age of reason" for our species. It only seems so sad that we tend to basterdize the original recipe.

I am not an athiest, nor part of any organized religion. Many of you who have read here already know this. In fact, I do believe in God.... just not the one you tend to find in religious texts. (He's pretty close, but no cigar.) Perhaps it is because I find that the canister of jerks was held a little too long over the pot, and the bite of their spice overpowers the original intent. They plow over the milder flavors, and to add insult to injury, they do it in the name of their creator through one means or another. Sound familiar? Take our current world events.

We are stuck in this quagmire of a war with people who do not think as we do about God.... heck, they're even sure we're the evil-doers. All because of a difference in religious beliefs. Travel through your history books, and see that this is not the first time this little problem, has surfaced. The list is long. The jerks of the societies always seem to rise to the top, heck, aren't they well versed in supposed qualifications to charm us into being there? That's their job, and we are but their milder flavors. The next step is to prove how holy they are.... in fact, much holier, and with a BETTER God. Yet the destruction and loss of life to prove that point tends to overcook the recipe. Add more insult to injury, and we are also fighting a battle with our own natural resources. Not only do we have a species that can't get along, and feel the best way to keep an enemy at bay is to come up with a bigger bomb, but we have our own planet that's acting up as well. A war on two fronts..... one that could be won if we just learned how to get along to solve the other. But in the blame of a "better" God, we tend to fight the wrong one, and sadly see the facts build up against us in the other. Our priorities are so messed up, that we are throwing away the our existance over a matter of theology. We are ruining the very recipe that makes us the shining entree. Somehow, that didn't seem to be the plan I saw mapped out in Sunday School. Weren't we supposed to live in peace and harmony...... wasn't that surmoned out so well from the priest at Mass? How then do you blame God for the devestation we produce? I think God got an unfair rap, and we haven't taken responsibility for the messes that are man-made.... and there are many of them. Why would this be Gods fault?

That's why I stopped believing in everybody elses God.... the one who I worshiped before I saw how man used His name for their poorly thought out plans. I don't believe in aliens, but could never rule out the possibility that there is more intelligant life beyond our Milky Way. After all, we are only a speck in the vastness of space. That said, I do not believe equally there is a God who sits at the top of the clouds. When I searched for my God, He was no farther than a point to my heart, and the goodness that could be spread from it. I wanted no part of the vengeful Gods positioned in betterment of one another, or the vessels of jerks that peddled what they thought was "the word". I wanted to venture the journey on my own, and feel comfortable with a pleasable God who held no agenda beyond that of doing good deeds.

This past week has been filled with sadness beyond any comprehension. As it joins the long list of senseless acts that man can do to one another, we can only hope that somewhere down the line people will be so disgusted with the carnage, they will seek help (and many meds) to control their psychotic episodes. Too many people have become victims. Too many families have lost a part of their lives.... a part of their hearts. As we learn to heal and overcome the grief.... perhaps we will find ways to overcome the violence.

Only a thought..................

3rd rock from the sun.....

So here she is in all her glory.... the marble orb that knows where to float in the solar system in order to sustain life. The only orb in our system that can do so. So why do WE (you know, the intelligent ones) find ways to destroy what we have? Not only to the earth, but it's populace. Have we learned nothing? Methinks with the recent shootings that some are just not paying attention..... or just not taking proper meds. And don't even get me started about the war..... that's a whole nother can of worms to post about another day.

This is all we have, there are no other options in the works. So maybe this Earth Day we can make a promise to ourselves to do more to care for what we have.... because we've already witnessed too many times the heartache suffered by the few who wish to destroy. April has it's share of anniversaries to prove that. Waco, Oklahoma City, Columbine, and now Virginia Tech.

Be kind to the earth and it's inhabitants.... we depend so much on one another whether we like it or not.

it's official......

I need one of these..... but not for lights. Since I am blind to reading any print within a 1 mile radius of my eyes, my glasses need to be in reach 1000 times a day. I can read the letter shirt off a cheerleading flea 5 miles down the road, but without my glasses to read simple print inches from my face, I am lost.

The only problem is, between shoving them down the front of my shirt for easy access, and getting constantly frustrated when they jump out of place, I usually end up losing "sight" of where they are. This is where the clapper would come in very handy for me. Oh, and I probably need one for my keys, as they have a habit of being picked up by gnomes and trolls after I've put them down.

Yes, one of these babies would save me hours of looking for necessary items.

While I rush myself out the door to attend yet another party to cater, I wish everyone a wonderful weekend..... oh, and if you see my glasses, drop me a line. I hate using the spares!

all dressed up........

The season never changed from year to year, only the size of the clothes, as Easter was a signal that you would get a new outfit to wear........... officially packing away the heavy winter gear of boots and heavy coats. It was my favorite time, as I was dressed to kill in my new dress, bonnet, shoes and gloves. For a fashionista like me, Easter meant new wardrobe. But that was then, and this is now.

For a lapsed Catholic as myself, Easter no longer means clothes..... and it doesn't have too much of the organized religion thing tied into it. Oh, I still like the bunny magic, chocolate eggs, and marshmallow peeps..... but how can one not when every store you walk into has them bursting in the aisles? Yet I walk past them and poo-poo on to the necessary items I need. I have to admit, the smells alone from the aisles are intoxicatingly sweet..... but when you spend 3 months working hard to get rid of the middle age tire around your waist, chocolate bunnies are reserved for those that can eat a whale and never show an ounce. I did falter last night, and ate my first piece of dessert in months. For a self proclaimed sweet tooth as myself, I had a hard time ignoring the cries from the kitchen from that luscious red velvet cake sitting right next to a new gallon of skim milk in the refrigerator. Can there be any more oxy-moronish moments than that? And, of course, I found myself rewarding my good behavior with a nice big slab of red deliciousness.... promising that I'd mow the lawn to take the calories off today. That seems fair, doesn't it?

I no longer buy clothes.... and have actually just revisited my closet for the sizes I had packed away that I thought would no longer fit. How nice and convenient that my shopping travels led me to the most comfortable place on earth for me: my own room. Pretty soon, I will don the ecrudiments of comfortable jeans, a heavy sweatshirt (because of the silly cold snap in our area), and a pair of yard shoes so that I can get out into the much neglected gardens of my yard. The lawn needs a new crabgrass cut, the flowers a look-see for damage (due to the arctic weather visit), and holes covered from the pesky squirrels looking for food. I will not go to Sunday services as other people do, but I will attend a church of higher calling for me.

For those that celebrate the holiday, may your life be filled with many Easter moments, chocolate bunnies, and marshmallow peeps. All others, Happy Spring!

my bad.........

For all the wonderful people that have stopped over in the past month, I hang my head in shame for not reciprocating to your comments on my last post. You have all been true friends for sending e-mails or calling to see if I were still alive....... and I am here to report that dire news of my demise is greatly exaggerated .

The truth is, I was abducted by the HGTV muses of home improvement. Since my original project was to JUST DO THE KITCHEN, I had a little attack of OCDitis when the paint cans got opened. Suddenly I realized I liked the color SO much, I had to paint a wall in my bedroom a matching shade. Wouldn't my beautiful wrought iron headboard look grand against a nice background of light mint? Yes, since the headboard is white with scrolls, and now pops against the wall. Well...... you just can't do one wall in a bedroom without doing the other three, right? So my bedroom got a makeover as well. And by makeover, I mean the works. I have this theory that includes the thought that once you pull something away from a wall, you MUST dust and vacuum before you return the object to it's place. The dustbunnies are true to their form for rabbits..... they DO multiply..... many colonists of them. Many people think I'm nuts.... too clean, perhaps; but I do have people who've told me it makes perfect sense to do so........... so I'm not obsessive compulsive, just thorough. It's clean gene I was born with, so it's mostly genetic. My Mother and Grandmother were the same way.

When one proceeds to empty a room, it can be amazing to see the pile it creates in another area. In my case, the kitchen ended up in the livingroom, and has finally been put back into place this week. The floor is down, and most of the work is finished. A few more brushes of paint to the doors, and trim pieces tapped in..... and voila! The kitchen will be done. I am in love with it already, and only too happy to be rid of the 70's look. But the best part...... I unloaded 5 boxes of stupid and unnecessary items I didn't even know I had. How does one collect so much? How did I become like my Mother????? (Oh, and Karl...... if you read this, I didn't get rid of anything that belonged to Mom.) I did purge though, and got everything else back into the kitchen without it looking so filled. It's still a little busy looking, but that's because I haven't painted the cabinet doors to put them back up. I know I'll be on it soon though.

My bedroom was pushed to one side each time I approached a wall to paint. Pictures had to come down, along with my many other foolish stuff on the walls. I actually slept partway into my closet for a while. Gets you a little disorientated when you first wake up, but you get used to it after a week. Luckily my room is not so big..... I've seen closets bigger..... so the task of painting didn't take long considering I was working full time (and more) throughout the projects.

There were many days when I was tied to the business phone till 7pm, after starting at 6 am, so I had no desire to do anything but put myself to bed. With a wedding for 175 to organize, and a birthday party for 75 (that turned into 200), I had my hands full with catering. Never mind the regular luncheon customers that called at 5pm for the next days lunch. I blame myself for that little faux pas, as I've trained the people to call orders in at the last minute just by always accepting them. Since we are not fast food, we do need a little notice in order to line up deliverers..... and a few days notice is always appreciated.

And then I did a silly thing....... I would like to report that I was hammering away when SMASH, the hammer landed on my finger. But no, I have to admit, I was downed a bit by a hangnail. Stupid me for such bad habits! My little injury caught a nice infection. Stupid infection! I ended up on some kind of superbug killer meds, as the doctor wanted to treat the infection from the inside out. Since I've read about the over-medication of penicillin, I questioned the decision, but was assured it was what I had to do. The first one made me a little queasy.... no, a lot queasy..... but I continue taking them. The finger is tender, but healing nicely, so I really can't say: stupid meds...... but I felt that way the first day.

I am relieved to have accomplished so much in a month, and happy with the results. Even though I have a lot more to go, I consider this the downhill part of my journey in reconstruction projects for the year. And the best part of my journey so far? I lost 25 pounds in the process. Woohoo for great results!

As for blogging.... it really had to take a back seat to everything else. Priorities are hard to pick and choose sometimes, depending if you are listening to the angel and devil on your shoulders. In many cases, I swat them both away, and take charge without the guilt of thinking: am I forgetting, hurting, shunning someone without intent. Am I so focused on my task, that I appear to be stuck-up and uncaring? Well, in the case of everything BUT blogging, no. At one point I did leave a nice long comment to everyone from my last post..... but blogger ate it. (I swear. And aren't you glad I didn't blame it on the dog?) All I could leave was a blanket explanation weeks later.... with the hope that I would make it over to some of my favorite links...... plus to that nice Carmi who stopped by to say hello for the first time.

Since my upbringing included training in the magic words: thank you, I have much catching up to do to thank all who have e-mailed or called me during my absence. I finally had some help getting google blogger right, and now I can post again. I only hope you will continue to stop by and say hello whenever you're by the garden. My absences are because my life is very full at times, but I would feel a bigger void to lose my blog friends.